my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
