he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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