god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
