Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
