You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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