The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
