careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
