so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
