I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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