I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
