My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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