I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
