I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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