I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
