My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
