Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
