I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Randomize
