Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize