Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
