Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Barsexuality is the new black.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
