Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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