Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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