And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
