Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
