Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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