you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
