Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
