Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I think my fart just growled at me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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