The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
