My nipple is on Facebook.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
