Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
