dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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