Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Randomize
