the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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