well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
