remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My first STD was from a foam party
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i believe in u and ur pee
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
