I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
