dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
