You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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