Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
