I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
