she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
