Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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