Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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