My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
