before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Can I color on your dick again?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
