I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize