I'm going to jail i love you
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
