I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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