can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
