I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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