What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
