I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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