Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
