i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
