the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
