My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
