I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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