My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
