guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
