There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
