I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I AM VODKA MAN
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize