i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
