I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize