Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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