The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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