Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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