If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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