Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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