Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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