Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize