Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
