so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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