First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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