The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
