i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I love having hate sex.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize