I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
