if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
