Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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