In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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