I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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