My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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