well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
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grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
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