I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
