I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
