It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
