I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
