So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
