Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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