i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
