We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
