I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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