Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
