WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
