All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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