why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I could fuck to npr.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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